Mourning Handkerchief 10: Negative Space Pyramid. Presence of an Absence.
There has been a growing presence of an absence. Like someone just around the next corner whom I never quite catch up to. Like a mistiness about the places in the house where he always sat. I can't look at them straight but from the corner of my eye I feel the presence of an absence. Waking from a dream of a conversation so real but realising that it can't continue because he has gone. Not just away in Scarborough or down at the club - he is really gone, as in not coming back - ever.
Mourning Handkerchief 11: Negative Space Rectangle; An Empty Chair on Fathers's Day.
There was a -trip- in the day today as it dawned on me that without the presences of my Father - that Father's Day had become obsolete, an insult, a horror, an uncomfortable silence when asked how I would spend that special day for Dads. Marked this year, for me by an absence; and every year to follow. Infinite absence. Completely gone - not coming back- ever. Father's Day is terminated - permanently.
Mourning Handkerchief 9: Negative Space Circle; A Gap in the Conversation.
There was a gap in the conversation this morning at the breakfast table and crossword book remained on the shelf - unopened for the third month in a row.